Advice to 20 from 70

What I would tell my 20 year old self if I could pass along what I know now.

  1. Make friends. Real friends. No more than a handful of people you would feel comfortable playing poker with over the phone. These are the people who will get on a plane in the middle of the night to come and bail you out of jail. If you are lucky, you might find three of these in your life. These are your real friends.

  2. If you ever get good at anything, make it reading people. It should take you no more than 30 seconds to know if someone is real or a pretender. Actually, you never really know, but if you stop thinking you will feel it. Learn to trust your feelings.

  3. Going out so you won’t be alone is waste of valuable time. It may keep you from being bored or it may make you feel important. But you are not important, so if you hang around with people who kiss your ass but don’t really mean anything to you, ask yourself “why?” Being alone is a fact. Being lonely is a decision.

  4. Stay debt free. Don’t owe anyone anything at anytime. If you leave markers laying around, they will eventually get called in at the most impropitious moments.

  5. Travel is overrated. Most people travel not to experience new places but to talk about their experiences, or what they wish their experiences had been. Travel is a status symbol like a Mercedes. No one cares what you drive and they also don’t care where you have been.

  6. Parties are (almost always) a waste of time. No one gives a shit what you are saying. They aren’t listening. They are waiting for their turn to talk. If you need to kiss ass to get business, by all means go. But remember why you are there. Otherwise, better to stay home with a good bottle of whiskey and talk to your radio.

  7. There is always someone more important than you in the lives of everyone you know. Don’t feel special. You’re not. No one is. We are all trying to get through this experience alive and we all will fail.

  8. Most people will talk about you behind your back. Don’t share information that might damage you with anyone. Anyone.

  9. Most people are masters of transforming into the person you want them to be. Until they don’t have to be that person anymore. See 2 Above. Learn to read people. Don’t waste your time on people who aren’t authentic. Most aren’t.

  10. Don’t assume someone who has money is smart. They are just as likely to be lucky, a huckster, or a crook. Money, beyond a decent standard of living, will not make you happier and has little use except to impress others. Never be impressed with your own wealth or anyone else’s.

  11. You are going to die. Really. Nothing you worry about matters. And knowing that nothing matters is the only thing that matters. It will free you to be you.

  12. Find a cause, people, or a person less fortunate than you are. Help them. Keep what you are doing to yourself. If you advertise it, it is about you, not them.

  13. Stay away from groups and organizations. If you want to do something, do it. You don’t need the imprimatur of a group.

  14. Find someone to love, someone you are comfortable with, who believes as you do about what life means and what it doesn’t mean. And remember that love is more about respect than heat.

  15. Most people are cunts. Not all. Most. Get used to being alone much of the time and learn to like it. If you do life right, you will enjoy being with one of the best and most interesting people you know.

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