Rules For White Boys Dating Latinas

Written by another divorced and damaged expat living in Mexico. He asked it be published anonymously if only because he desires to live a little longer.

There are not many rules when it comes to dating Latinas but here are three of the Big Ones:

  1. No machismo bullshit. Latin women, especially Mexican women, have seen, and felt, all the aggression, manly moves and heard all the bragdocio they can tolderate. That’s why they are going out with you, gringo. Acting like Billy Bad Ass will do nothing but insure you go home with the same hard-on you showed up with. If you can’t quite grasp this concept, pretend your mama is in the backseat or at the table watching it all. Act like that. 
And don’t talk so much. Listen. In many, if not most, cases you will learn what a tough life really looks like, feels like, and you will humbled. Humility is attractive.
  2. “Te quero” and “Te amo.” Know the difference. They both technically mean “I love you,” but you get no credit for mincing or confusing these terms. “Te quiero” is heard everywhere. In English it might be translated as a casual “love you!” throwaway line when you are walking out the door. You can say it to a friend, your kid, your lover, even your dog.
    “Te amo,” on the other hand, is best thought of as, “I am IN love with you. I want to be your romantic interest. Forever. And ever.” And no, it doesn’t matter you “didn’t mean it that way.” Being effectively illiterate is not a defense, unless you are a Trump, of course. The penalty for getting it wrong is swift and severe. For details, see below under the heading “Casual Sex.”
  3. Casual Sex. Those words in that order don’t mean anything because it doesn’t exist in the world of Latin women. Putting it more clearly, if you sleep with a Latin woman, she is yours. Might was well say “te amo” and get it over with. And if you don’t believe it, tell them after it’s over that it’s over and listen carefully to their next words: “I have scissors and I will cut your dick.” Even Latinas who don’t speak a word of English somehow know those words or words to that effect.
And they don’t forget. After you back off from your flight of fantasy and apologize profusely to save your stones, they will pull out a pair of air scissors from time to time for no good or apparent reason and make cutting motions with their first two fingers. And they will grin. And you won’t.

There are more rules, of course, but these are the important ones.

And why, you may ask, do I continue to date Latinas and have sworn off dating “gringas,” instead of vice versa? First, there are fewer Latina fodongas, and second, and more importantly, is I would rather be loved dangerously and furiously and passionately than not be loved at all or be subjected to self-righteous, self-indulgent, entitled, know-it-all, unappreciative gringa bullshit. That’s right. I would rather risk driving home dickless than be subjected to the “me, me, me” verbal excrement that spews forth from the mouths of most white girls I have dated.

That’s it guys. Buy the ticket. Take the ride. There’s nothing risk free but you get to choose which risk you want to take. Or just stay home, turn on PornHub, and do it yourself.

You will be free.

But you will also be alone.

Postscript: Be wary of Latinas who speak perfect English. In addition to being bilingual, some are bicultural and are actually gringas in disguise. Cuidado!

 


 

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