Spotting Drunks, Perverts And Deadbeats - The Definitive Women’s Guide To Dating

Dear Jim,

The dating pool here has become a very small little muddy puddle. I find an endless frigging line of men that just want to sleep with me or want me to pay for everything or lend them money. The men don’t just sleep around with all the women in town but sometimes sleep with other men, too. When you get to the point you are relieved that he is just cheating on you with other women and not with other men, maybe it’s time to stop.

Marie


Dear Marie,

Don’t stop.

And remember - 99% of the men you meet on Tinder or in bars are losers, drunks, perverts, and/or broke.

I can help you.

Here are a series of questions you should ask before letting a guy bone you. Don’t beat around the bush (no pun intended) asking open ended questions like,“Do you drink?” Of course he fucking drinks. You want to know how much he drinks.

You want to know the magnitude of a guy’s dysfunction.

As a long time drunk and sex addict (sez my ex), I know the questions a guy doesn’t want to answer up close and personal, which means these are ones you need to ask:

FIRST, weed out the druggies and alcoholics:

  1. Are you a meth addict? If not, do you aspire to be?
  2. How much time in the pen did your Mama do for possession with intent to sell?
  3. In round numbers, how many grams of coke do you put up your nose each day?
  4. What do you charge for an ounce of weed?
  5. Do you buy booze by the case or the truck load?
  6. Have you ever been in a bar and heard someone say, “Mista, I’ll suck yo’ dick for a dollar?” When you heard someone say that, was that someone you?
  7. Have you ever drank rubbing alcohol because the liquor stores were closed?
  8. When you are drunk, do you break up the furniture? Are you willing to put up a deposit if I let you in my house?

SECOND, sex addicts need to be separated from the herd:

  1. Do you spend more time working or watching porn? Or, do you consider watching porn your work?
  2. What kind of porn do you like? e.g., threesome, midget, double penetration, my last Tinder date, MILF, other?
  3. Is Viagra your favorite food?
  4. How many times do you pull your pud everyday?
  5. Does the VJ still interest you or is all-anal all-the-time now?
  6. Who would you save if the ship you were on was sinking - your mother or the last hooker you were with?
  7. In round numbers, how many STD’s do you have right now?
  8. Have you appeared in adult films? Please attach your credits.

THIRD, you need to get rid of the broke dicks and the frauds . . .

  1. Do you have a university education? If so, why don’t you have more money?
  2. What kind of ragged-ass car is that?
  3. Why is your AMEX card expired?
  4. Are you open to marriage (again)? Same question but we live off my money.
  5. Why do you use an alias or an initial rather than your real name?
  6. What borders can you not cross without the fear of arrest?
  7. Show me a hundred dollars right now?
  8. How many times have you been arrested?
  9. How much jail time have you done?
  10. How many current warrants are there for your arrest?

Go through this list rapid-fire and you will know whether you should bang him like a cheap gong or send him packing before you find out he’s a two-pump chump, a thief, or drinks you out of house and home.

Go girl!

Jim



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Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 24, 2022 at 7:39 PM

    Very wise advise to the unwary or uninformed. Or just stupid.

    ReplyDelete

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