The Pee Pee Merry-Go-Round - Perils Of Small Town Dating

Warning: I write this from a male vantage point, but hasten to add that it applies to women also. Indeed, their dating hurdles are even higher which I explain at the conclusion of this missive. If adult language and situations offend you, close this page now while you are still pure.

The dating carousel these days usually begins on Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, or another of the myriad of apps famous for facilitating casual hookups, places to turn when you are horny but don’t feel overly selective. The owner, Match.com, has worked hard to transform its image from a place to find someone to fuck into a sleaze-free meeting place of good and decent girls and boys just looking to go to coffee together. My guess is the change came about when women stopped signing up after getting tired of dick photos and their “dates” trying to feel them up at Starbucks in broad daylight.

Too harsh? Perhaps.

You can meet all kinds of women on Tinder, and you will know which kind before you even see them, if you can read.

A woman who describes herself as “Open to anything, I like to drink whiskey and dance with a partner in crime at midnight,” is a hookup. She wants to screw. Nothing wrong with that. Just remember: safety first.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, there are a relative handful of women who make it clear from the beginning, “No hookups, no drugs, no drunks. Looking for my life partner.”

You can believe both of these women.

Unfortunately, regardless which you choose, one problem remains the same…

In a big city, the odds of running into someone you have dated off an app, or had sex with, is minuscule, a virtual impossibility.

But in a small town, it’s very different. And the difference matters.

You will see people you actually know on the dating apps, trolling, just like you are.

And it is tempting to reach for the low-hanging fruit.

“I know you. You know me. Let’s get together!”

A fatal mistake.

You date. You have sex. It doesn’t work out.

That happens everywhere.

Yes, it does.

But when it happens in Smallville, it goes from “it happens,” to “shit happens.”

To you.

Because the odds are you won’t stop dating with your first failure. Indeed, you will soon, unknowingly, go out with a friend, or former friend, of hers.

And the friend will find out that you dated her friend.

They will both know. Everyone will know.

“WTF?? You went to bed with Lisa!”

“She’s my friend. I can’t go out/sleep with you. I couldn’t do that to her!”

Or , . .

“You fucked that slut?? If you put it in her, no way you are putting it in me!”

That’s the long and short of it (pun intended), and it gets worse.

Once you have dated, the die is cast. You will go to parties, and in small towns that means you will see women you know. Included in that group may be one, two, or more who you have slept with. You immediately think about leaving but you need a drink and so stand in a corner watching two of your former lovers talking, smiling, giggling, while you wonder if they are comparing notes.

They are.

Or they soon will be once your name comes up in conversation. Which it will as soon as one of them picks you up in the corner of her eye.

Net: Dating in a small town, especially in your social circle, is like trying to solve Rubik’s cube with one black square. Never going to line up. No matter how long or how well you play.

The good news is there are ways to deal effectively with most any problem if you think out of the box (pun again intended).

Here are three proven methods to dodge the small town dating bullet:

1. Date only women who are passing through. Lots of single women travel. If you are just looking for a good time for a short time, bingo. 
2. Date people in the next big city over. You may have to drive an hour or so, but its worth it for the anonymity afforded by large numbers. 
3. Date someone so far outside your existing social circle that your name will never come up. Note: It is one of the reasons I began dating Latinas after my divorce. I didn’t know many Mexican women when I first became single and they gave me both numerical and cultural cover that never resulted in the dreaded drunken trilogy: “Do you see that girl over there? Do you know her? Did you fuck her?”

Appendix For Women: Every situation and challenge described above applies equally to women. But for women it is even more difficult. When a woman creates a profile on Tinder, there is a high probability that she is telling the truth about what she looking for. When a man creates a profile on Tinder, he knows at a cellular level to describe himself as “looking for a relationship.” It’s less threatening than, “I want to meet you in a bar, get drunk, and then go to your place.” The only thing you can count on is that a man’s dating profile is a collection of lies and should not be relied on. Sorry.

Can a man find a woman on an app looking for a life partner? You bet. And there are some good ones out there.

Can a woman find a man on a dating app who is looking for love, as opposed to ‘lovin?’

Sure.

Just like you can pull the arm on that giant slot machine at the MGM Grand in Vegas, hit 4 triple bars, and win the BMW.

Long odds.

But you can’t win if you don’t play.

Ladies and gentlemen, good luck!

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